1962 - 2013
“You have to take care of yourself now. Always do your best.”
Dear Sarah -
I’ve followed your instructions again this year. I’ve been taking care of myself as well as I can and I do my best - even at times when I’d really rather not - because I can hear you whispering in my ear, reminding me of my promise.
Tomorrow it will be 7 years. You’d think that after 7 years I’d get used to you being gone – but I haven’t. I miss you so much. I miss you every damn day.
Every damn day.
This time of year I always go back through all of our shared memories, starting with the day we met. The time you took me to see Ellen for my birthday. Our Cheesy Hollywood vacation – almost getting thrown out of the Warner Brothers warehouse and Harry Potter museum for touching things – that was so much fun. Our walks and bike rides. Our very long talks about the Universe and everything in it. Assembling IKEA furniture together – laughing until we cried. Our plans to go to Tibet. (You'll be pleased to know I finally got my Passport!) The soup contest I had with your Dad every winter, all the laughter and joy. I miss your Mom and Dad too. Tell them I said, “Hi.”
You are the only person who ever truly saw me, all of me, through and through, as I saw you. I guess that’s what made us soulmates. Since you’ve left there have been others who claimed to see me that way – but we both know that isn’t true. People see what they want to see and tell you what they think you want to hear. I know that, entering into my 66th year on the planet, no one will ever see me the way you did.
One memory that came-up very vividly for me this year was a bike ride we took along the coast north of your parents house. The way the sunlight glinted through the trees, we were so in awe of the beauty we had to just stop and gaze at them. I remember we walked our bikes over to a grove of trees and placed our hands on their trunks – we talked about how one can feel the life force of a tree and know it in a very deep, spiritual way.
It is a very special thing to know a tree.
It was the most special thing about my life to have known you, Sarah.
So, to honor this 7th anniversary of your passing, I am having 100 trees planted in memory of you. Perhaps one day in the future, 2 soulmates will happen upon them and gaze in wonder at their magnificence, strength and beauty.
I love you.